u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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