I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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