i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize