So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
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Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
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It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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