Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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