I need to stop coming to work sober
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize