so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize