its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
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Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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