Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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