dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
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the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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