I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
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As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i've created a new STD.
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I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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