dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize