So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
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Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
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That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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