My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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