my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
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Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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