It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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