no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
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Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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