I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's shark week go big or go home
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize