Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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