Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize