i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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