Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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