I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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