it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just had sex on a roof
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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