Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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