Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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