You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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