so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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