Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
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working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
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There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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