Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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