i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
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Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
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you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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