FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
is that a dick in a sweater?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize