i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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