all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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