why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Michael Bay diarrhea
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
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So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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