i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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