There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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