I met the friendliest cop last night
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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