i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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