people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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