just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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