Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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