Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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