Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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