I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize