I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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