she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
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My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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