I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize