Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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