Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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